This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
