Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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