omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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