i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i believe in u and ur pee
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
