I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
