I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
