Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
