So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize