All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
