yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
