It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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