I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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