508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
