Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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