I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ugly people sure do ruin things
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
