my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
