New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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