he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wear drunk well.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
