Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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