forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it's like iHOP with fire
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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