I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize