I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
