I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
