Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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