you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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