Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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