Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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