So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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