im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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