There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize