Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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