just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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