i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
