I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
