i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
