Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
