I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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