So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
