In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
