I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
