Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
