Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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