this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
