My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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