I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
