Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you win again, gameday.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
