I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
