im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
