And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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