I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
