Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
