You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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