Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
