Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
