Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
