I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
one might say we're banned from that church
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
