I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
