roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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