Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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