ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
birth control should be required to get into college
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
