Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
