I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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