Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
