he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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