Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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