I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
