I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
