do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
