.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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